Tracing the Rainbow reviewed by Adam Harbinson

By Pablo Martinez and Ali Hull

 

Tracing the Rainbow can hardly be described as an entertaining 'Book at bedtime', but for those who feel uncomfortable, or worse, useless in the face of bereavement or divorce, it is an un-technical, cliché-free 'user's guide' of immense value. It's a treasure-trove of good, solid advice, practical in the extreme because it combines the professional understanding of a psychiatrist, whose understanding is enriched by his hands-on faith, with the skills of a Christian writer who has learned about the pain of loss at the sharp end.

 

Tracing the Rainbow is born out of experience - and it shows. Ali Hull tells how, when one of her best friends gave birth to a stillborn baby boy, she felt awkward and clumsy; "All she wants is her baby back. I'll only make things worse by saying the wrong thing" - how many of us have been there? However, Ali goes on the say that when she finally steeled herself to knock on the door, she found that her friend needed someone just to sit and listen to her, and cry with her. My experience was similar fifteen years ago when the wife of one of my friends died suddenly at the age of 39. I felt I'd be an intrusion and stayed away for far too long, not knowing that my friend drew enormous strength from caring company. If only I'd had this little book back then!

 

The blend of Pablo Martinez and Ali Hull creates a rare depth and width of wisdom, but they go further as they draw on the wealth of experience of others such as Jennifer Rees Larcombe, one of Britain's best-loved Christian authors and speakers, and Peter and Barbie Reynolds who set up Bereaved Parents' Network, (part of Care for the Family) following the death of their son Simon as the result of a car crash in South Africa just before Christmas in 1993.

 

I found the book helpful from both sides of the desk; as one who has suffered bereavement and as one who is slowly learning how to help others cope. For example, an early section; 'The stages of grief', takes you through the effects of loss due to bereavement or divorce. The benefits are two-fold. Firstly you will better understand why you feel as you do, and also, you are less likely to feel alone. You will realise, "This is normal" and therefore are able to detect if the brief is abnormal.

 

As Pete Broadbent, Bishop of Willesden says in his endorsement, 'it gets to the heart of what it feels to be bereaved and how we can stay with people to be agents of comfort . great material'.

 

There's an interesting chapter on divorce, one of those subjects that needs to be addressed more seriously by the church. The authors describe divorce as 'an emotional earthquake shaking the very foundations of the building that is our identity and self esteem, each divorce is the death of a little civilisation, as the separation can mean the loss of one's children, church family, close relations and so on'.

 

It's usual to think of divorce as a single event that will inevitably affect everyone in proximity for a while, but then life will go on, time heals all wounds. The reality is, that psychologically, divorce is a chain that clinks and rattles at the ankles, and be it ever so long, it does not let you go (Anna Raeburn).

 

However here is an example of the practical way in which the topic is addressed in Tracing the Rainbow; "Following a divorce, the relationship cannot be reconstructed, but the pieces of your identity and self-esteem can be reassembled. This is the main purpose of the third stage of adjustment and growth; to help the divorced person face life with new strength, new attitudes and new goals "- excellent stuff!

Tracing the Rainbow is an absolute must.

 

 

 

 

Tracing the Rainbow Review by Ian Matthews

 

 

I have read a number of books on grief and bereavement over the years, and have generally found them either too 'professional' in tone for practical use (mainly aimed at counsellors) or lacking the reality that is demanded of the recently (or not so recently) bereaved person. By balancing the Psychiatric insights of Pablo Martinez with the journalistic skills of Ali Hull this book is well researched, informed, realistic and immensely helpful. The focus of the book seems to be on those who find it difficult to recover from grief, as well as the particularly painful experience of losing a child. The chapter on how people can help those who are grieving (including the need of the Church to be a 'Therapeutic Community') and the excellent final chapter offering the hope of life after this world were particular highlights. A superb book that really seems to hit the mark.

 

Published by Spring Harvest/Authentic   

Price £7.99

Click here to buy online